wow! what a hoot!
so what did we learn this month? well, we learned that killing small and helpless animals can be a lot of fun, no? you bet. i can hardly wait for next month. how many more creature can we disembowel? or perhaps we'll take a break from slaughter, and nurture some of life's most precious creations. only time will tell...
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
HUNTING RABBIT
If you came here looking for an Elmer Fudd reference, I’m afraid you won’t find it, because I’m just not that kind of guy. But we did go rabbit hunting just the other day. Wanna hear about it? Ok, here goes.
We went on down to the Oregon Basin, which is a pretty excellent little destination here in Wyoming. Big open space full of sage brush and sandstone, and if you're lucky a few cottontails.
There are a few methods of rabbit hunting, some more difficult than others. We of course went with the most challenging one, because we ain't no weak and gutless wimps. They are generally hunted with shotguns, which is fine. This makes it easier because when you see them they are usually running very fast, and it's not easy to hit a small and fast moving target with a rifle. The only problem with the shotgun is that your rabbit ends up full of shotgun pellets, which you then have to remove from your meat, or your mouth. It is also possible to hunt them with a small caliber rifle such as a .22. That's what we did. As I said before, this can be difficult because they are generally on the run when you see them. So your best bet is to scare them out from their hidey holes, then wait for them to stop running and hope they've stopped somewhere you can get a shot off on them.
Because we are the amazing hunters that we are, we managed to get ourselves a rabbit. Yeah, I know, we're pretty awesome. And Mayran is a totally sweet shot!
Before you take it home, you'll want to gut it so your meat doesn't spoil. This is actually pretty easy, like maybe just a step above gutting a fish. Rabbits have really thin skin, that is easy to cut through. Generally after you've cut their bellies open you can just kind of give the rabbit a little heave-ho and most of the guts will just fly out. Watch this guy and he'll show you how it's done. He's like my new hero. Rabbits also have lots of fleas, so it's also good to let the body sit for a minute and cool down, at which time the fleas should all abandon ship.
Now pack up your dead things and your killing implements and head home. It's now time to clean your rabbit. This is not terribly difficult either. Our good friend Mr. Gilchrist has already done a pretty good job explaining it in the above video, but I will reiterate it, just for you. So, um, it should be gutted already, so now, like, pull off the skin and stuff, and then you're pretty much done. Yeah, look at you cleaning rabbits and all. Good job.
But like Mr. Gilchrist said, there really isn't any need to cut up the rabbit any further. They are a lot easier to cook hole. But if you wanted to, you could always quarter it or chop it into smaller or more serving-size-type pieces. I cut our rabbit up. Mostly because I got carried away with the butcher knife.
Mmmmmm...that does look tasty. What say we cook it now, eh? Ok!
You can prepare a rabbit any way you'd like. It's just another meat after all. However, you should know that rabbit meat can be EXTREMELY tough if you don't cook it right. It really needs to be slow cooked, for at least two hours. You could boil it (in a stew perhaps, with some taters) or throw it in a crock pot, maybe with some bbq sauce. Make yourself some biscuits and you’re good to go.
I used this recipe here, mostly because it included bacon. Bacon and rabbit: a winning combination?
This recipe wasn't actually my favorite. The sauce was a little bit too winy for my taste. Still pretty good thanks to the bacon, but not my favorite. It also required that all the meat be cut off the bone prior to cooking, although in hindsight I could've just boiled the rabbit first to get the meat off a bit easier. O well.
So I did end up with some meat scraps, but being the awesome person that I am, I didn't let anything go to waste. I saved all the bits that were deemed unfit for human consumption, which I plan on turning into cat food. For my cat. Because I love him. I also saved the bones for my dermestid beetles. Because I love them too.
The skull I cleaned up and made all pretty. I cut off all the fur and meat that I could, then I threw it in a pot and boiled it until some more meat came off. Then I dropped it in some peroxide to whiten it up and loosen up the rest of the meat. I scraped the last of the crud off with an X-acto.
I also attempted to "tan" the hide. I went with a very cheap and easy method, which isn't actually tanning at all. It should preserve it somewhat though, at least for a couple of years, maybe longer if I'm lucky. The method I used was as follows: I pinned the hide, skin side up, onto some cardboard. I then proceeded to coat it with anti-freeze. Yeah, that green stuff you put in your automobile. I brushed on a good coat, and then let it dry for a few days. You'll want to repeat this process maybe two or three more times after it dries. Then you've got yourself a rabbit fur. Go ahead and make a hat or something. If you wanted to properly tan a hide, I've been recommended this stuff. Each kit will fully tan 20 pounds of wet skin weight. Yeah, that’s a lot of wet skin.
So now you know all about killing rabbits. Go ahead and get yourself a small game license, and then find yourself some rabbits to shoot. Go! Go! Go!
We went on down to the Oregon Basin, which is a pretty excellent little destination here in Wyoming. Big open space full of sage brush and sandstone, and if you're lucky a few cottontails.
There are a few methods of rabbit hunting, some more difficult than others. We of course went with the most challenging one, because we ain't no weak and gutless wimps. They are generally hunted with shotguns, which is fine. This makes it easier because when you see them they are usually running very fast, and it's not easy to hit a small and fast moving target with a rifle. The only problem with the shotgun is that your rabbit ends up full of shotgun pellets, which you then have to remove from your meat, or your mouth. It is also possible to hunt them with a small caliber rifle such as a .22. That's what we did. As I said before, this can be difficult because they are generally on the run when you see them. So your best bet is to scare them out from their hidey holes, then wait for them to stop running and hope they've stopped somewhere you can get a shot off on them.
Because we are the amazing hunters that we are, we managed to get ourselves a rabbit. Yeah, I know, we're pretty awesome. And Mayran is a totally sweet shot!
Before you take it home, you'll want to gut it so your meat doesn't spoil. This is actually pretty easy, like maybe just a step above gutting a fish. Rabbits have really thin skin, that is easy to cut through. Generally after you've cut their bellies open you can just kind of give the rabbit a little heave-ho and most of the guts will just fly out. Watch this guy and he'll show you how it's done. He's like my new hero. Rabbits also have lots of fleas, so it's also good to let the body sit for a minute and cool down, at which time the fleas should all abandon ship.
Now pack up your dead things and your killing implements and head home. It's now time to clean your rabbit. This is not terribly difficult either. Our good friend Mr. Gilchrist has already done a pretty good job explaining it in the above video, but I will reiterate it, just for you. So, um, it should be gutted already, so now, like, pull off the skin and stuff, and then you're pretty much done. Yeah, look at you cleaning rabbits and all. Good job.
But like Mr. Gilchrist said, there really isn't any need to cut up the rabbit any further. They are a lot easier to cook hole. But if you wanted to, you could always quarter it or chop it into smaller or more serving-size-type pieces. I cut our rabbit up. Mostly because I got carried away with the butcher knife.
Mmmmmm...that does look tasty. What say we cook it now, eh? Ok!
You can prepare a rabbit any way you'd like. It's just another meat after all. However, you should know that rabbit meat can be EXTREMELY tough if you don't cook it right. It really needs to be slow cooked, for at least two hours. You could boil it (in a stew perhaps, with some taters) or throw it in a crock pot, maybe with some bbq sauce. Make yourself some biscuits and you’re good to go.
I used this recipe here, mostly because it included bacon. Bacon and rabbit: a winning combination?
This recipe wasn't actually my favorite. The sauce was a little bit too winy for my taste. Still pretty good thanks to the bacon, but not my favorite. It also required that all the meat be cut off the bone prior to cooking, although in hindsight I could've just boiled the rabbit first to get the meat off a bit easier. O well.
So I did end up with some meat scraps, but being the awesome person that I am, I didn't let anything go to waste. I saved all the bits that were deemed unfit for human consumption, which I plan on turning into cat food. For my cat. Because I love him. I also saved the bones for my dermestid beetles. Because I love them too.
The skull I cleaned up and made all pretty. I cut off all the fur and meat that I could, then I threw it in a pot and boiled it until some more meat came off. Then I dropped it in some peroxide to whiten it up and loosen up the rest of the meat. I scraped the last of the crud off with an X-acto.
I also attempted to "tan" the hide. I went with a very cheap and easy method, which isn't actually tanning at all. It should preserve it somewhat though, at least for a couple of years, maybe longer if I'm lucky. The method I used was as follows: I pinned the hide, skin side up, onto some cardboard. I then proceeded to coat it with anti-freeze. Yeah, that green stuff you put in your automobile. I brushed on a good coat, and then let it dry for a few days. You'll want to repeat this process maybe two or three more times after it dries. Then you've got yourself a rabbit fur. Go ahead and make a hat or something. If you wanted to properly tan a hide, I've been recommended this stuff. Each kit will fully tan 20 pounds of wet skin weight. Yeah, that’s a lot of wet skin.
So now you know all about killing rabbits. Go ahead and get yourself a small game license, and then find yourself some rabbits to shoot. Go! Go! Go!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
FISH ON ICE
It is no secret that many people in the US of A dislike extreme temperatures. Long and cold winters for instance. This can be inferred from the large numbers of people flocking to tropical locations like Florida and Hattiesburg. Indeed, when the temperature drops below freezing most of us would prefer to sit inside with our internets and listen to Jesus Christ Superstar. A nice warm laptop on your crotch, sippin’ some bourbon, and hearing Ted Neeley hit the high notes. Yeah, it doesn’t get much better than that.
Eventually, though, they run out of bourbon, and they don’t want to leave the house to get more. They might even get tired of hearing Ted Neeley bring the Holy-Funk. And they’ll let everyone on Facebook know just how sick of shoveling and making snowmen they really are. Well if you ask me, and I know you did, complaining never helped no one, no how. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can coexist peacefully with the weather.
Our northerly neighbors, the Canadians, have very much embraced their winters with all sorts of festivals and activities. And booze. Plenty of booze. The Canadians of America, also known as Minnesotans, have done something very similar. This winter I was lucky enough to spend some time with a real life Minnesotan. He’s known around these parts as Big R. He tried teaching me the ways of his people. So, one chilly morning we decided to go ice fishing. The following is an account of our ice fishing adventure…
We spent the better part of the morning preparing for our excursion. If there is one thing that I’ve learned about keeping warm in Wyoming it is the importance of layering. With this fabulous technique you should be able to get away with not owning anything too fancy. Or you can go out and spend $1000 on boots, pants and a coat designed for some jerk who wants to climb Mount Everest. Whatever you’re into. The fishing gear is also important to bring along. This should include at the very least an ice auger, ice fishing poles, bait, and beer. If you’re like my father then you should have at least a dozen ice fishing poles in buckets in the garage that you’ve been collecting at yard sales for the last thirty years. If you’re not like my father, then what exactly have you been doing with your life?
With all the preparations complete, we load up the truck and begin our long journey to the ice. Big R cranks up the Lady Gaga. The mood goes from anticipation to exhilaration. We’re ready for some action. As we drive across the Wyoming byways, the landscape begins to change. Barns become silos. Horses become cattle. Fences become slightly older fences. We’re not in Park County anymore. We’ve come at last to the Bighorn Reservoir, located near Lovell, WY, where it is rumored that everyone in town is related. I don’t hear any banjo music, but they all look a little too Deliverancey if you ask me.
We stop off at a gas station to pick up some minnows and corndogs. The minnows for fishing. The corndogs for my face. The clerk informs us that the only minnows she has left are a tad on the small side. “You still want em?” she asks. Big R hits her with his Minnesotan stare, and an empty sounding “Yeah.” A few minutes later she returns with a bucket of fish. Big R inspects the catch, and seems pleased with their stature. We exit, no more certain of the town’s mental capacity. Cousin fuckers, no doubt, but at least they know how to cook a corndog.
We pull up to a boat launch and start pulling out the gear and loading it up on sleds. The spot we plan on fishing is a good mile or so from the parking area, and the gear required for ice fishing is a bit more extensive than a pole and tackle box. For this reason, sleds are a good idea. Ice, as you might be aware, can be slippery. If there are patches of snow on the ice, you should keep on those for better traction. Big R hands out a pair of ice grippers. One of our sled pullers, May, slips them on over her boots. Her ice walking skills go instantly from Betty White to Ninja. She is ready to pull some sleds.
Surveying the reservoir, Big R starts leading us toward a small alcove where he reckons he’s had some luck before. Although devoid of fishermen today, as we walk across the frozen waters of the lake we pass by old fishing holes. So full of history. Joy and sorrow. Triumph and failure. Fish and beer. Now frozen mounds, like scars on the face of a leper, where tears mingle with fish guts. The fishermen have all gone home now. Distraught by the size of available minnows, perhaps. They’ve gone to seek comfort from the familiar. Ted Neeley and bourbon…
While the rest of us are lost in our thoughts, Big R seems to have already hoofed it halfway across the reservoir. After much trudging and several close calls of eating ice, eventually we arrive at our destination where Big R is already hard at work with the auger. An ice auger consists of two sharp blades on the end of a big drill bit. Above the bit are two handles, the top one which is stationary whilst the lower one rotates around the shaft. So while pushing down on the auger with your one hand, you use the other to rotate the drill. It takes a bit of work, but anyone that’s not completely useless should be able to do it. If you wanted, you can go out a buy an electric auger, which does most of the work for you, makes you a complete pansy, and pretty much sucks all the fun out of the day. If you aren't totally feeble, or you can't afford an electric auger, then you just gotta put your back into it. Heave!
The ice gives way with a crunch and the auger hits water. A good solid heave-ho and it should slide out and take most of the ice chunks out with it. The rest of the ice bits are scooped out with a fancy ice ladle. Now that the hole is clear, the fishing may commence. An ice fishing rig does not appear to have much in common with a fishing pole. They're kinda like fish traps, or something. It's basically just a contraption that sits on top of the hole with a little length of line in the water. A minnow or some other bait or lure is placed on the line and then you simply wait. Most of the traps have a flag that will flip up when a fish grabs your bait and starts pulling line out. Some rigs might also have bells on them. All very clever designs to wake you from your drunken stupor.
The hours tick by slowly. More holes are drilled. No fish are biting. There is much waiting around during ice fishing. So what do we do while we wait? “Have another beer,” Big R suggests. The experience of drinking cold beer while enduring sub-zero temperatures is something to cherish. However, if you somehow get bored of sitting around drinking beer, you can always try your luck with a regular fishing pole. Just drop it in the water with your bait or lure or whatever. Do a little jigging if it floats your boat. It certainly couldn’t hurt your chances of catching a fish.
The day wore on, but we still had no fish. Looking out across the lake, there were at least a dozen fishing rigs set up around us. We’d been out on the ice for four or five hours and the daylight was starting to fade. The time had come to call it a day. A most unsuccessful day. We start collecting our gear. Big R heads out to one of the further fishing rigs. The flag is up. He brings in the line, and sure enough there’s a fish on it. It’s a sauger, similar to a walleye. It was pretty much the best ice fishing trip ever. We brought our fish home, punched it in the face, and cut off the delicious meat that it was hiding in its body. Then we ate it. Good times!
Eventually, though, they run out of bourbon, and they don’t want to leave the house to get more. They might even get tired of hearing Ted Neeley bring the Holy-Funk. And they’ll let everyone on Facebook know just how sick of shoveling and making snowmen they really are. Well if you ask me, and I know you did, complaining never helped no one, no how. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can coexist peacefully with the weather.
Our northerly neighbors, the Canadians, have very much embraced their winters with all sorts of festivals and activities. And booze. Plenty of booze. The Canadians of America, also known as Minnesotans, have done something very similar. This winter I was lucky enough to spend some time with a real life Minnesotan. He’s known around these parts as Big R. He tried teaching me the ways of his people. So, one chilly morning we decided to go ice fishing. The following is an account of our ice fishing adventure…
We spent the better part of the morning preparing for our excursion. If there is one thing that I’ve learned about keeping warm in Wyoming it is the importance of layering. With this fabulous technique you should be able to get away with not owning anything too fancy. Or you can go out and spend $1000 on boots, pants and a coat designed for some jerk who wants to climb Mount Everest. Whatever you’re into. The fishing gear is also important to bring along. This should include at the very least an ice auger, ice fishing poles, bait, and beer. If you’re like my father then you should have at least a dozen ice fishing poles in buckets in the garage that you’ve been collecting at yard sales for the last thirty years. If you’re not like my father, then what exactly have you been doing with your life?
With all the preparations complete, we load up the truck and begin our long journey to the ice. Big R cranks up the Lady Gaga. The mood goes from anticipation to exhilaration. We’re ready for some action. As we drive across the Wyoming byways, the landscape begins to change. Barns become silos. Horses become cattle. Fences become slightly older fences. We’re not in Park County anymore. We’ve come at last to the Bighorn Reservoir, located near Lovell, WY, where it is rumored that everyone in town is related. I don’t hear any banjo music, but they all look a little too Deliverancey if you ask me.
We stop off at a gas station to pick up some minnows and corndogs. The minnows for fishing. The corndogs for my face. The clerk informs us that the only minnows she has left are a tad on the small side. “You still want em?” she asks. Big R hits her with his Minnesotan stare, and an empty sounding “Yeah.” A few minutes later she returns with a bucket of fish. Big R inspects the catch, and seems pleased with their stature. We exit, no more certain of the town’s mental capacity. Cousin fuckers, no doubt, but at least they know how to cook a corndog.
We pull up to a boat launch and start pulling out the gear and loading it up on sleds. The spot we plan on fishing is a good mile or so from the parking area, and the gear required for ice fishing is a bit more extensive than a pole and tackle box. For this reason, sleds are a good idea. Ice, as you might be aware, can be slippery. If there are patches of snow on the ice, you should keep on those for better traction. Big R hands out a pair of ice grippers. One of our sled pullers, May, slips them on over her boots. Her ice walking skills go instantly from Betty White to Ninja. She is ready to pull some sleds.
Surveying the reservoir, Big R starts leading us toward a small alcove where he reckons he’s had some luck before. Although devoid of fishermen today, as we walk across the frozen waters of the lake we pass by old fishing holes. So full of history. Joy and sorrow. Triumph and failure. Fish and beer. Now frozen mounds, like scars on the face of a leper, where tears mingle with fish guts. The fishermen have all gone home now. Distraught by the size of available minnows, perhaps. They’ve gone to seek comfort from the familiar. Ted Neeley and bourbon…
While the rest of us are lost in our thoughts, Big R seems to have already hoofed it halfway across the reservoir. After much trudging and several close calls of eating ice, eventually we arrive at our destination where Big R is already hard at work with the auger. An ice auger consists of two sharp blades on the end of a big drill bit. Above the bit are two handles, the top one which is stationary whilst the lower one rotates around the shaft. So while pushing down on the auger with your one hand, you use the other to rotate the drill. It takes a bit of work, but anyone that’s not completely useless should be able to do it. If you wanted, you can go out a buy an electric auger, which does most of the work for you, makes you a complete pansy, and pretty much sucks all the fun out of the day. If you aren't totally feeble, or you can't afford an electric auger, then you just gotta put your back into it. Heave!
The ice gives way with a crunch and the auger hits water. A good solid heave-ho and it should slide out and take most of the ice chunks out with it. The rest of the ice bits are scooped out with a fancy ice ladle. Now that the hole is clear, the fishing may commence. An ice fishing rig does not appear to have much in common with a fishing pole. They're kinda like fish traps, or something. It's basically just a contraption that sits on top of the hole with a little length of line in the water. A minnow or some other bait or lure is placed on the line and then you simply wait. Most of the traps have a flag that will flip up when a fish grabs your bait and starts pulling line out. Some rigs might also have bells on them. All very clever designs to wake you from your drunken stupor.
The hours tick by slowly. More holes are drilled. No fish are biting. There is much waiting around during ice fishing. So what do we do while we wait? “Have another beer,” Big R suggests. The experience of drinking cold beer while enduring sub-zero temperatures is something to cherish. However, if you somehow get bored of sitting around drinking beer, you can always try your luck with a regular fishing pole. Just drop it in the water with your bait or lure or whatever. Do a little jigging if it floats your boat. It certainly couldn’t hurt your chances of catching a fish.
The day wore on, but we still had no fish. Looking out across the lake, there were at least a dozen fishing rigs set up around us. We’d been out on the ice for four or five hours and the daylight was starting to fade. The time had come to call it a day. A most unsuccessful day. We start collecting our gear. Big R heads out to one of the further fishing rigs. The flag is up. He brings in the line, and sure enough there’s a fish on it. It’s a sauger, similar to a walleye. It was pretty much the best ice fishing trip ever. We brought our fish home, punched it in the face, and cut off the delicious meat that it was hiding in its body. Then we ate it. Good times!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
THIS IS RESPONSIBLE
because you obviously have no idea how to have fun, i feel it is my responsibility to teach you a thing or two about amusement. so you might ask, what is it, this fun that you speak of? well, lots of things. most things actually. making stuff. breaking stuff. eating stuff. but most importantly, keeping your opinions to yourself, because i don't remember asking you a damn thing. no, just kidding of course. your opinions are important and i value them immensely. unless i don't agree with them.
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